idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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