She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
