He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
