ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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