he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
its liver damage thursday
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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