Need sex. Gaining weight.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
