Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
