you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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