so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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