discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
