it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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