A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
