I am puke
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
