I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
