Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
