Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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