whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
