Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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