i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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