I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
