I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
