While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
