Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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