It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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