so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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