You just made me feel so damn special
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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