Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I fill condoms, not promises.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dicks are not precious.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
