Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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