Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
