it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
