i don't like sucking hair
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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