I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
