Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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