I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
