nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
