I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
