She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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