Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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