so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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