While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
