i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
