Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
