Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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