yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
