He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
