Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
