You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
