ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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