Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
