were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
